We all have this vision of what being a mom looks like. This perfect person who can do it all with no issues, hesitations or complaints. She is perfect in every way.
Her pregnancy is super smooth. She delivers a healthy baby her way. Breastfeeding is a breeze. She manages a newborn, family and work like nothing can stop her.
She has all the answers and none of the problems.
Everyone admires her for the work she does. She is appreciated and adored.
We all want to be her.
We work hard to live up to her shadow.
It’s ok if you tell yourself that you are a bad mom, but to everyone else...well they need to see that you have it all together.
You know that if you slip up once you have many eyes and mouths ready to tell you what you are doing wrong.
So you pretend.
You pretend that being a mom is awesome. That you aren’t tired, confused, stressed, overwhelmed, and sad.
Sad because things weren’t supposed to be like this.
You were supposed to have it all figured out. It was going to be perfect.
Of course kids don’t come with manuals but things were supposed to still work out. You did everything right, so why does everything feel so wrong.
There are happy times, but there are times when things just suck. Those times where you question if you can do this or if maybe it’s you and only you.
Here is a fact, you aren’t alone in this struggle. Being a mom is hard no matter where you come from, how much money you have or how much research you did.
It is a struggle, but a struggle you don’t have to face alone.
It doesn’t matter if you are pregnant, in the newborn stage or on kid number five, we all need a space to feel free and heard. A space where we are given the time to focus on us and no one else.
That’s not selfish. If anything is it the HEALTHIEST thing you can do for your baby.
Don’t wait any longer to do what’s right for you and your baby.
Frequently Asked Questions
I CAN BARELY FIND TIME TO TAKE A SHOWER, HOW CAN I SET ASIDE TIME TO SEE A THERAPIST?
I get it! Believe me, I have been there. I offer moms the ability to schedule online sessions so that a.) no shower necessary b.) it can be scheduled during nap time so no babysitter needed c.) you get the time for you without worrying about point a or point b.
Plus it is important to start creating a space for you to be...well you. Moms often get so wrapped up in everyone else that over time we tend to lose ourselves. Therapy is a good way to learn tools and tips so that you can continue to be you AND the best mom you can be.
WHAT SHOULD I LOOK FOR IN A THERAPIST WHO SPECIALIZES IN WORKING WITH MOMS AND DADS?
Finding a therapist is a lot like online dating. You want to find someone who is a right fit for you and who knows about the issues you are facing. Now, when working with new parents (or experienced parents) and all the struggles and feelings that come with parenting, it is important to find someone who has specialized training in maternal mental health issues. Postpartum Support International is a great resource to find clinicians who work and are trained in working with individuals suffering from a perinatal mental health issue, like myself.
IF I NEED A THERAPIST, WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT ME AS A MOM?
Well...it says that you are doing everything in your power to make sure you are happy and healthy so that your baby can also be happy and healthy.
And I know what you are thinking “well... ?”
Honestly, I get your concerns because I know what the “public opinion” thinks about therapy, but who cares? What’s most important is what YOU think.
If you are ready to take a step back and take care of yourself then that’s all you need to worry about. You are the foundation of your home. So it’s important to do whatever it takes to make you strong and whole again.
Don’t let the mom shame or the haters get in your way of what you want for you and your baby.
They don’t live your life, so don’t let them control your thoughts and feeling about how you are as a mom. You are AWESOME, so let’s work together to keep it up!
WHAT ABOUT THERAPY FOR DADS?
Come on in! I welcome moms and dads! Basically any makeup of a family is welcome to come, because babies are stressful!
Like they say (whoever “they” are) it takes a village to raise a child,” let me be a part of yours.
WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I BELIEVE MY PARTNER IS SUFFERING FROM POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION?
It is very important to address this topic with sensitivity and love. If you believe your partner is suffering from postpartum depression it is important to be as supportive and helpful as you can.
Often times moms AND dads can feel overwhelmed by the transition of new baby and feeling like nothing they do is going to make things better.
It is important to understand that they are allowed to feel the way they feel, so don’t try to minimize or assume that this will magically resolve itself. The best thing to do is to write down your concerns and find the best ways to provide support plus find additional resources for them.
Resources can be anything from having additional help around the house (or maybe limiting those around the house), consulting with a medical doctor, seeking therapy, or finding local support groups.
Whatever the choice you decide, make sure that your partner feels validated, supported, loved and heard.