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Your relationship isn't what it used to be
You are probably sitting down thinking about whether your relationship is going to make it to tomorrow. The constant arguing over nothing is becoming your new normal and your relationship isn’t what it used to be.
You love your partner. You know you can make it work, you just don’t know how.
Even if you were to make it work, will it be the same?
Will you have the partner you loved before or will you have sacrificed too much just to have peace?
You wonder how it got so bad...how did it get this far?
The two of you used to have so much fun. You were literally inseparable and when you were apart all you thought about was each other.
You remember the cute and flirty text messages you would send to each other. Now texting has just become a weapon, a ledger to look back to when an argument starts.
You start to ignore the calls and texts. You just want peace and not talking is better than the constant back and forth.
Blogs for Couples
You Used to Be Happy
You want to feel loved. The affection and appreciation are no longer there. All you feel is anger and spite.
You want your partner back. The partner that made you feel like part of a team. Someone who always had your back and who you make you feel better when you had a bad day.
Love isn’t enough to fix it. As much as we all think that’s all a relationship needs, it isn’t. Your relationship needs real changes. It needs couples counseling.
How Couples Counseling Can Help
Couples counseling is a safe space for the two of you to go deep into what you both want. It’s an opportunity to learn how to reconnect, communicate and love again.
It is a chance to take your relationship out of the foggy clouds to truly see each other.
Within a few sessions we can remember what brought you two together and come up with a clearer picture for the future.
Now, not all of it will be good. We have to dig up what is standing in your way of a happy relationship and that means getting to the hurt.
That’s the benefit of getting through that within couples counseling. It gives you a safe space to talk about those things with another person that can guide you through the pain so that you both feel heard.
Someone who can give you tools to help your relationship navigate through the dark clouds together.
Tools that you can use after therapy is over. It’s my mission to give you the tools needed to make your relationship stronger so that you don’t need couples counseling anymore.
It takes time to get there, but we can get there together.
Your relationship is running out of time. Don’t wait until tomorrow when we can start the road to recovery today.
THE THERAPY PROCESS
It is hard to really visualize what therapy is going to look like and how it works. To make it easy, I want to let you know what to expect.
The first few sessions are really for me to get to know you better. So understand that it is a process before we really start to work.
For the first session, I require a 90 minute appointment because I need to gather a picture of your past, present and desired future. It will feel like a lot of word vomit because I am trying to get a sense of everything that is going on and really go through some of the “standard” questions. These questions are for me to gauge where you are and where you want to go.
For the second session and third session, I schedule an individual session with each partner. In this session, I get a bit of individual history and perspective. To start unpacking your baggage, I need to know what I am working with.
The fourth session is where we start building tools to help you in your vision of what you want.
Now, there may be hurdles. There may be times where you feel uncomfortable talking about things. That is ok. I am mindful that this process can be emotionally exhausting, but remember it is necessary.
Once you start to see changes, I will reduce your sessions so that you can start to put those tools to use. The more open, honest, and vulnerable you are in the process, the more results you will start to see. Eventually, we will come to a point where therapy has done its job and it is time for you spread your wings and FLY (LOL)!
TOPICS WE DISCUSS
Communication issues are very common in relationships. Couples try to improve communication, but without the necessary skills it can continue to breakdown. In couples therapy, we talk about your communication patterns and how to improve your connection and understanding to reduce future communication breakdowns.
Conflict is inevitable. However, in couples therapy we discuss how to shift from unhealthy conflict to healthy conflict. We also discuss how to properly heal after fights to enhance your emotional connection and improve your communication.
Intimacy (both physical and emotional)
It is important to address intimacy in both an emotional and physical capacity. When we feel connected with our partner in both realms it helps to create a better foundation and reduces the likelihood of conflict. Together we will discuss how to improve intimacy in both realms and address what each partner needs (because they can be different) to increase the feeling of connectedness.
It important to understand how to balance work, life, and family expectations to ensure that each partner feels fulfilled individually.
Couples need to establish goals to know what they are working towards. Whether it is a financial goal or life goal it is essential to visualize what is needed in order to feel content individually and as a couple.
AND MORE ...
Frequently Asked Questions
I THINK WE CAN REALLY USE A COUPLES COUNSELOR, BUT I DON’T THINK MY PARTNER IS WILLING TO COME, WHAT SHOULD I DO?
If you are ready and open for couples counseling but your partner is on the fence, I recommend we schedule a call for all three of us to discuss what therapy can do for your relationship, what they want from this experience and how I can help you get there. Often times that is all it takes for the process to get started and for them to be open to coming in for a session.
If your partner is unwilling to come in, why not come in for yourself?
We can start to talk about what you need to change and how we can start your journey. If you partner wants to come in for a session or two to help your journey, they are more than welcome to join. It can show them that my approach is very causal and nothing to be worried about, which may open the door to couples therapy.
MY PARTNER WANTS TO SEPARATE, BUT I WANT TO TRY TO FIX OUR RELATIONSHIP. IS IT TOO LATE?
It’s never too late to try and do something different.
While it is important that we are working on the same goal, it is still beneficial to work on communication and respect. This is especially true for couples who have children.
We want to model for our kids effective communication and healthy relationship patterns, even if they relationship is dissolving.
I HEARD A COUPLES COUNSELOR IS GOOD FOR THOSE WHO ARE SINGLE, IS THAT TRUE?
Yes!!! All my single ladies and gents, couples therapy is a good place to understand who you become in a relationship, what behaviors you like, definitely what you don’t like and how to put yourself out there.
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE working with singles on building them up and getting them ready for a relationship!
You can check out my blog to learn more about the benefits of couples therapy if you are single.
WHAT IF COUPLES COUNSELING IS NOT ENOUGH?
One of the many benefits of working with me and my approach is that I incorporate many different tools and tricks for building a stronger foundation for my couples.
One of the tools that I use is the Prepare-Enrich and Gottman Relationship Checkup assessments to help create a blueprint of those who come to my office.
These assessments go deep into every facet of a relationship and help to bring to light things that couples don’t realize are stopping them from a healthier and stronger relationship.
Plus it helps to speed up the process of our sessions!
WHAT IF WE ARE DOING OK? WE SHOULD ONLY COME IN WHEN THINGS ARE REALLY BAD, RIGHT?
You go to the doctor for an annual checkup right? Why not give your relationship the same kind of love and attention???
Plus...think about it. If you fix the minor things now, they won’t become bigger problems in the future which means less time in my office.
Save yourself time, love and money by scheduling a relationship checkup today!
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